


Solace

by TeelLilies



Category: overwatch
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs Hugs, Gabriel Reyes needs a hug, I don't know, Idk I felt like writing a thing so here it is, It's shippy-ish, M/M, Mentions of Death, no real romance, so does jesse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 20:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11021187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeelLilies/pseuds/TeelLilies
Summary: Pfft, I should be working on the other two works I haven't finishedNah it's time to write whatever the hell this is I guess, I don't know





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> Pfft, I should be working on the other two works I haven't finished
> 
> Nah it's time to write whatever the hell this is I guess, I don't know

Feeling like one massive bruise happened to be nothing new to Gabriel Reyes. It was actually quite a common feeling for the military commander that spent countless hours behind enemy lines, knee deep in hostile omnics and doing his best to keep his squadrons alive. It wasn't unusual for him to get back to the Blackwatch base feeling like he'd just been trampled by about twelve Bastions. But usually missions weren't such a gauntlet emotionally. 

Thanks to the carefully tailored groups Gabriel brought out onto the field, it had been a long time since they'd actually lost anyone. There had been... Moments. Of course that was to be expected in the world Gabriel had thrown himself into. Still though, there was a huge difference between assisting injured men out of the field, and hauling the dead weight of a corpse over one's shoulders. 

Gabriel had dealt with both, but thanks to the way that his agents worked together, the latter had become almost a distant concern. 

Until he'd watched three of his men blown to pieces by a bomb that had come out of nowhere. 

The commander hadn't been caught by the blast, but he was tossed into a wall by the force of it. It had taken a minute to get oriented, and by the time he did, there was no question that those three men were dead. He didn't even think there was anything left to bury. 

As it was, the transport was silent when their mission was finished. Nobody dared speak a word, they'd lost three valued agents in one explosion, and Gabriel was almost struggling to keep himself together by the time the got back to base. 

The commanding officer did his best to stay distant, he had started out interacting with his recruits only enough to make sure that he could trust them, and they trusted him. Training and missions tended to be the extent of the time he spent with his men at the beginning. 

Somewhere along the line though, he'd slipped up. He'd gotten too close, started to spend downtime with his agents when he wasn't filing paperwork or dealing with pencil-pushing bureaucrats. He got a hell of a lot closer with his men, to a point where he considered a lot of them friends, not just subordinates. 

It could have easily been blamed on one scrawny recruit Gabriel had dragged from the smoking wreck of a train by the scruff of the neck. Jesse had quickly proven to be a problem case, with a sharp tongue that got him into more fights than it got him out of. And that wasn't even starting on his attitude and apparent inability to follow orders, at first at least. 

Gabriel had learned quickly that Jesse couldn't just be tossed into the same exact environment as the rest, and took the extra time to figure out how the kid worked before he tossed Jesse into the field. 

It was one of the best choices Gabriel had ever made. Jesse had become a fiercely loyal member of Blackwatch, was possibly one of the best sharpshooters on site, and had a sufficiently cooled temper after the commander had gotten through to him. It had been a fight most of the way, but Gabriel wouldn't have done anything differently if he could do it again. 

However, maybe he would have kept everyone else at arms length even during that. When it came to getting Jesse in line, getting closer to all the recruits had been a side effect. He hadn't even thought of what kind of damage it would do down the line. 

He'd known the three agents well, and seeing them die left a deep ache in the commander's chest. Of course, Gabriel kept his chin up for the sake of everyone else, but in his mind he kept running over what he could have done differently, how their deaths could have been avoided if he'd just been paying attention. 

As soon as the remains of the group reached base, Gabriel quietly excused himself under the pretense of getting a mission report back to their superiors. 

He ducked off to his office without even bothering to shed the body armor he still wore from the mission. The commander was sure he probably looked terrible, still splattered with blood and covered in a thick layer of grime from the mission. Did he care though? No, he was just seeking the respite of a quiet office and time to let everything sink in before he faced his agents again. The last thing they needed was seeing their own commander crumbling under the fact that they'd lost three people. He was the one responsible for carrying the team, being the one who could always hold it together, no matter what. 

So he wouldn't break down in front of the others. He'd do that in the privacy of his own office. And it was only when he'd collapsed into his desk chair did his composure start to crumble. 

Gabriel hunched forward against his desk, one arm braced against the surface as he brought a shaking hand up to his face. He'd lost three loyal men, two of them with families that expected them to come home when it was all over, one who had kids. He could have done something more, he could have planned better, he could have done something. 

Guilt washed over the commander and he seemed to fold under the weight of what had happened. 

Maybe he'd gone soft after so long, maybe not loosing a single agent for so long had lulled everyone into a false sense of security. And of course, that security had probably been what fucked them over. Gabriel couldn't stop thinking that he had slipped up, he'd lost his edge and stopped being as careful as he'd been when Blackwatch had first been put together. 

He'd have to organize the funerals, get all their paperwork in order, contact families... He'd have to be the one to break the news, he'd be the one everyone blamed for their loved ones deaths. And frankly, he could understand why. 

Gabriel jolted almost violently when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Apparently he'd been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't caught the sound of the door opening. 

The surprise nearly had Gabriel on his feet, but as it was he quickly straightened, doing his best to force everything down again as he turned a weak glare on whoever had wandered into his office without warning. Only to meet a pair of familiar eyes that were brimming with concern. 

"What do you need McCree?" Gabriel growled out, looking away again. He could feel tears stinging at his eyes, but thankfully they hadn't started to fall before Jesse wandered in, so it was easier to force them down once again. The last thing he needed to do was cry in front of one of his men. 

Jesse's hand didn't leave his shoulder though, and Gabriel was tempted to shrug the young man off as he turned his eyes to a stack of paperwork on his desk. If he just ignored the fact the he was being swallowed whole by guilt, maybe Jesse would leave without too much fuss. 

"Just wanted to check on you boss, I heard what happened." Jesse punctuated his statement by squeezing the commander's shoulder slightly, and Gabriel shot him a look. 

"People die all the time McCree, I'm fine." He muttered, not looking up at Jesse again. Instead he turned his attention to finding a damn pen so he could get his shit together and start filling out the paperwork he needed to get done. However, before he could do that, Jesse had put one hand on the back of his chair, pushing the commander back so he could stand between Gabriel and the large desk. The commander scowled, and was about to tell Jesse to move when the younger man spoke. 

"If you're fine, I'm a fuckin' priest." McCree scoffed, shooting Gabriel a stern look. And Gabriel couldn't help but bristle as Jesse's other hand fell on his arm. Not because he was adverse to the contact, but because he knew that he couldn't crack in front of Jesse. But before he could speak up and insist he was alright, Jesse had ducked down a bit to make eye contact with him. 

"Listen, I knew 'em too, Delany was a friend of mine." Jesse's voice was still gentle, but it held a bit of a waver when he mentioned the fallen agent. 

"And if it's rough for me, it's gotta be hell on you." Jesse murmured, and Gabriel jumped a bit as he felt Jesse's hand on the side of his neck. Without thinking he nearly leaned into the touch. But he managed to keep himself steady, instead he fixed Jesse with a halfhearted glare.

"It's none of your concern, agent. And if you would move, I have paperwork to be doing." Gabriel huffed, still keeping his head up, even if Jesse was giving him the most concerned look he'd ever seen on the gunslinger. 

"Of course it's my damn concern. Whatever they pumped into your bloodstream in SEP don't mean you're not human." Jesse frowned at him. "And unless you're crazy, humans tend to feel emotions and shit, you're no exeption." The agent wasn't moving, and Gabriel glared at him once more as he struggled to find his composure properly. 

"You gotta take at least a minute sir, we all get it, it's rough, nobody's gonna think less of you." Jesse was determined as all hell. But Gabriel noticed the younger man pulling him closer slightly, it nearly had him asking why, but at the same time, part of him wanted to be closer to Jesse. Something in him was desperate for a shoulder to cry on, someone to rely on. He'd been forcing his way through shit alone since SEP, it had been years since he could rely on anyone else. 

Sure in SEP he and Jack leaned on each other to recover from treatments and shit, but that was different. They both experienced the same thing, and the emotional toll it took on them was nothing like what Gabriel was used to coping with on his own. 

"Jesse, I'll be fine, you should be with the others." The commander looked away again, not meeting Jesse's eyes. He was afraid that he would give in, break down in front of one of his agents. That was something he didn't want to do whatsoever. Besides, he had forgotten to lock the door of his office. 

Jesse scowled at him, and Gabriel shot the younger man another look when Jesse pulled away from him. Maybe he'd leave? No. Because a second later Jesse had him by the hands, tugging him up silently. The only reason Gabriel got up, albeit with a heavy sigh, was because he hoped that if he complied, maybe Jesse would go. He didn't have the heart to order him to leave at the moment. 

Though Gabriel was shocked when, as soon as he was on his feet, Jesse was hugging him hard. It made him freeze up in surprise, feeling Jesse's arms snake around his ribs and the younger man's chin on his shoulder. 

One of the reasons he froze up was because... Well, he couldn't remember the last time he'd properly hugged someone. Sure there were the weird side-hugs but usually he kept his distance. Feeling Jesse cling to him so tightly made the ache in his chest about ten times worse, and he could practically feel his own resolve crumbling as he shifted to hug Jesse in return. 

The younger man didn't let go, but Gabriel didn't want him to. It was weird, but something about having Jesse there, wrapped up in his arms, where he could feel the younger man breathing, it made him glad Jesse hadn't gone along on the mission. He was way too attached to Jesse as well. 

"I'm gonna miss 'em too." Jesse's shaky statement pulled Gabriel from his thoughts. He blinked a bit, turning his head to glance down at Jesse, or, as much as he could from that angle. Right, Jesse was just as close to the three dead agents as he had been. Kind of, he was the closest with agent Delany, but all the agents knew each other incredibly well. 

"I know Jesse, I know." He murmured, startled to hear his own voice tremble as he tightened his grip a little, giving the younger man a sight squeeze. He could feel when Jesse shifted, and knew the other man was hiding his face. But the more he started to think about the situation, the more he felt himself cracking. Shit, he needed to stop thinking about it, he needed to save it for when he was alone. He couldn't break down in front of Jesse. 

The guilt that washed over him said otherwise, and he seemed to physically buckle under the weight of it. He shifted to press his face against Jesse's hair, his vision blurring with tears as he did his best to fend off the grief that threatened to drag him into a real breakdown. 

Gabriel's efforts only did so much though, and when Jesse shifted his grip, Gabriel was struggling not to shatter completely. The younger man pulling away gave him a moment to breathe, trying to force down the tears. He raised an eyebrow as Jesse sat on his desk, before Jesse reached out, grabbed him by the plate armor covering his chest and scowled as he went for the buckles holding Gabriel's body armor on. 

"What are you doing Jesse?" Gabriel rasped, not brushing Jesse off as the agent made quick work of the armor plate. He gave no response before it clattered to the ground and Gabriel was pulled into another hug. 

"Body armor's uncomfortable." Jesse muttered, winding his arms around Gabriel's shoulders and pulling the commander close. This time around Gabriel hooked his arms around Jesse without hesitation. Though the way Jesse was holding him close did nothing good for his resolve. 

The commander was too tired, stressed, and upset to protest any longer, instead just resting his head against Jesse's shoulder and trying to keep his composure just a little longer. He was done trying to question what Jesse was doing, and he wasn't exactly being interrogated. So Gabriel let himself hunch against Jesse slightly, burying his face against the younger man's hoodie and taking deep breaths to stay calm. 

He couldn't stop thinking about it though, he couldn't burn the moment from his mind as it played over and over in his head. He'd heard the clatter of the explosive hitting the ground, and by the time he turned to see what the hell it was, it had already gone off. He moved just in time to see his men being blown to pieces. 

The commander tried to push the image from his mind, but either way there was no stopping the tears that had started to fall. He was trembling slightly as he gripped the back of Jesse's hoodie, squeezing his eyes shut in a last ditch attempt to keep the tears at bay. 

It seemed like Jesse could practically read his mind though, and Gabriel felt the younger man's hand tangle in his hair, keeping him close. 

That was it, he seemed to shatter completely. The commander was completely still for a long moment before he stopped fighting and let himself practically collapse. The good thing was that Jesse seemed to take it all in stride, Gabriel felt the younger man's arm tighten across his shoulders as he started to tremble slightly. He finally let himself cry silently against Jesse's shoulder. The guilt was ripping into him and it just hurt. Gabriel was sure he was the only one responsible for their deaths. He should have known better, he should have planned better for something like that, or done something to save them. It was his job to keep them alive. 

They were dead because of him. 

When his tears finally subsided, Gabriel was just left feeling a little exhausted and just... kind of numb. But he didn't pull back, he just shifted slightly. The commander quietly laid his head on Jesse's shoulder, eyes tracing the curve of the younger man's neck as he wondered why Jesse came looking for him in the first place when there were other people who probably needed the comfort more. 

"You should probably go back to the others." Gabriel rasped as he finally pulled back, slowly disentangling himself from Jesse. He immediately missed the warmth of Jesse pressed up against him, but said nothing about it as he ducked his head, wiping the tears from his face. 

"Everyone else is fine." Jesse huffed. "They've got each other to lean on. You never let anyone see you like this." Jesse spoke quietly and Gabriel made the mistake of looking back up at the young agent and making eye contact. There was that worry again...

"Really Jesse, you should-"

"You need to take a minute, sir. That was a start, everyone else is taking the evening. You should too." Jesse spoke almost gently, it was weird to hear that when most of the time Jesse was just a little shit. Or a thorn in the side of the commander, depending on how annoying he was being. 

"C'mon, you should at least lay down or shower or somethin'. You just got back from a mission." Jesse pointed out, hopping down from the commanders desk and nodding towards the door. Maybe Jesse was right, Gabriel knew he should probably shower. He must have smelled like gunpowder, dirt and blood. 

"Fine." Gabriel grumbled. He wasn't going to be happy about it, but he was too tired to protest. He wanted to fall into bed and sleep for three years. 

"I'm going to go take a shower then, you go do something productive, or whatever you do that doesn't involve fighting people." Gabriel sighed, bending down to pick up the discarded piece of armor. He could feel Jesse's eyes on him, but didn't make eye contact with the younger man again as he straightened once more and wandered towards the door. 

He and Jesse parted ways before Gabriel headed back to his room to actually take a shower like he said he would. 

The commander hadn't realized how filthy the mission had left him until each piece of clothing he dropped to the floor of the bathroom gave off a puff of dust when it hit the tile. He didn't pay it much mind though, instead Gabriel decided to subject himself to a boiling hot shower to ease the tension that was fucking up his back like nothing else. The unfortunate thing about the heat was how it made the exhaustion hit him like a train. By the time Gabriel stepped out of the shower, feeling much more clean, he felt like he was going to pass out. He blamed it on the emotional exhaustion as well. The ache in his chest had been replaced with a distinct feeling of emptiness. 

So that was fun. 

He was quick to dress, and a tank top and sweat pants typically meant he didn't plan on leaving his room again for the rest of the night. Otherwise he would have at least bothered with real pants of some variety. Though the commander didn't plan on sleeping, he still flopped down on his bed, stretching out and closing his eyes. Maybe Jesse was right, maybe he just needed a minute. 

Gabriel knew he'd spent all of his tears while he and Jesse were clinging to each other. So he wasn't planning on having a second breakdown. But he needed to breathe for a minute. 

He had at least had a brief respite when there was a tap on his door. Gabriel was almost expecting Ana, or maybe Angela, someone who would want to check and make sure he was alright physically. So he pushed him up into a sitting position, running his hands through his hair before he stood to get the door. 

Maybe Gabriel should have been surprised that it was Jesse, seeing as the young man seemed to have been satisfied with him actually taking a minute for himself. But he still wasn't. Instead he quirked an eyebrow at Jesse as if to ask what he needed. 

"Just wanted to check in boss, you doin' alright?" Jesse asked, his mood had changed considerably, Gabriel could tell just from the look in his eyes. Jesse was really starting to feel it. The shock had worn off and Jesse had probably had a breakdown of his own already. It made Gabriel wish he could have been there if that was the case. 

"Better, what about you?" Gabriel wasn't going to take any lying, as much of a hypocrite as he was. He needed all of his men to be mentally stable. Gabriel wasn't unstable, he just had a habit of bottling things up, and a lot of people got those two things confused. 

"Sorta. 'S hittin' me about now is all." Jesse shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the floor. Gabriel softened a bit at that, frowning a little at Jesse, before he reached out without thinking, snagging the sleeve of Jesse's hoodie and pulling him inside. Jesse looked surprised, but didn't say a word as Gabriel took a chance to give Jesse a brief hug. The young man had offered him the same comfort earlier, it seemed like it was Jesse's turn at that point. 

And Gabriel was right, Jesse seemed to melt against him. He pulled Jesse close for a moment before he pulled back to tug Jesse over to his bed to get the younger man to sit. 

In any other situation Gabriel never would have been so close with any of his men, Jesse included. He rarely let anyone into his quarters anyways. But he had come to terms with the fact that he desperately needed Jesse around, and it seemed like Jesse needed him as well. 

"C'mere." Gabriel sat easily on the bed, gesturing for Jesse to follow. 

The younger man surprised him by sitting and pretty much crawling right back into his arms. Gabriel didn't miss a beat, he just adjusted so they could both be comfortable, which meant basically pulling Jesse into his lap. Jesse seemed content to bury his face in Gabriel's collar and not moving from there. 

The commander let the silence stretch out for a long time, before he gently tapped Jesse's side. He was starting to loose feeling in his legs and desperately needed to move. 

"Want to lay down?" He asked quietly. It wasn't something he ever thought he'd be asking the younger man, but Jesse nodded silently against his chest anyways. So Gabriel tried not to think about it too much. 

It took Gabriel almost no time to adjust, Jesse was surprisingly easy to move, and it was only a moment before they were laying down tangled up together. Jesse pulled back enough to rest his head on the pillow, though he stayed staring at the middle of Gabriel's chest, looking a tiny bit distant. 

Gabriel didn't push it much, Jesse had been pretty quick to admit that he wasn't feeling great, so Gabriel assumed that the younger man would tell him if he needed anything. So he let the quiet stretch out again, only noticing when a tear slipped down Jesse's cheek. Without even thinking, he moved to brush it away with his thumb, before gently pulling Jesse closer and resting his chin on top of Jesse's head. 

They didn't move from that spot, and it was a while before Gabriel realized Jesse had passed out. He was glad the he could at least offer the younger man the same kind of comfort he'd gotten from Jesse. Gabriel just pulled Jesse closer with a low sigh before he settled down to get some rest himself. 

As soon as he got up he'd deal with paperwork, but for the moment, he and Jesse seemed to have found comfort in each other. And he wasn't going to fuck with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways, so there's that, as usual feel free to toss a comment my way or something! I love hearing from people and I may actually just do a part two of this with some real romance so that may be a thing, I don't know, we'll see.


End file.
